Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Just These Guys?

If you’re anything like me, you like to kick back and relax by turning on the ole boob tube. And that’s what it’s become, too; A place to go to see a bunch of boobs. But lady lumps aren’t really for everyone, are they? I, for one, prefer to see a good-looking gentleman. An upstanding citizen who holds a door open for a lady and knows how to hold down a job. That’s the type of thing I like to see when I turn on my television. So, I’ve compiled a brief list of good-looking, do-gooding, well mannered T.V. men who make me want to turn on the T.V. and lock the door.

Oh, how I dreamt of someday being Mrs. Arnold, uh, Mrs. Arnold… Oh, shit. I’d be Mrs. Nobody! Or maybe I’d be Mrs. Keefer *hyphen* Nobody. Lack of last name aside, Arnold was one cool dude. What, with his crazy ass grandparents, tall-haired-urban-buddy, and his oh so stylish flannel shirt/skirt. Brotha’ has got it goin’ on! I’m not the only one who thinks so either. Remember Helga Pataki? Remember the Arnold shrine in the back of her closet? That thing was time well spent if you ask me. And how about that badass bedroom of Arnold’s?! The guy has an alarm clock that has a little Arnold on it! Damn, that’s cool. The thing about Arnold is that even though he has a football shaped head, and even though I’m pretty sure he’s bald under that tiny hat, his swag is undeniable. If only he could move past the fourth grade.

All I’m saying is give Burt Chance a, um, chance. The patriarch of the Raising Hope family is one half of one of my favorite television couples. He’s not what you might call “book smart,” but sometimes that just doesn’t matter. Sometimes you just want a good looking gentleman who you can play keep-the-balloon-from-touching-the-floor with. Some people might call him ignorant, but I’m a glass half full kind of gal so I’m choosing to say Burt is an optimist. He's also an enterpreneur. After knocking up his girlfriend (and later wife, Virginia) when he was a teenager, he started his own lawn care and pool cleaning business. Twenty-three years later he and Virginia are helping raise their grand daughter, Hope. And as all straight ladies and gay men know, there is nothing sexier than a hot dad. Especially a hot dad with a baby. 

Michael Bluth. I’m not even going to dignify this with an explanation. I mean, you see this face, right?

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have had thoughts of an impure nature about a married man. A man with seven children. A man of the cloth. A man by the name of Reverend Eric Camden. That’s right, folks! The patriarch of the Camden clan has me in 7th Heaven! See what I did there? If you don’t, then let me fill you in. The Reverend is the main character on a show from the 90’s called 7th Heaven. (See it now?) It was all about the lives of this understatedly sexy gentleman (The Reverend Eric Camden), his wife (the cool-for-a-few-seasons-and-then-perpetually-crazy Annie), and their seven kids (Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Ruthie, and the extremely unnecessary season three addition of the twins, Sam and David). It sounds pretty tame, but let me tell you these people could make drama out of anyone and anything. They were just a family of butinskis! Has your ex-boyfriend, Jimmy Moon, fallen in with a questionable crowd at school? Never fear! The Reverend’s on the case! He’s the man at the center of it all. The biggest butinski of them all! You know what, though? That good-doer-ness really works for me. But don’t be fooled by his charity work, for the Reverend also has a bit of a wild streak. Remember the episode where his former bandmates rolled into town?! That’s right, the Rev. was in a band! Sure, he gave his buddies the business when he thought they were smoking the marijuana, but that’s just the kind of upstanding citizen he is. Hugs, not drugs.

Gomez Addams is the perfect husband. First, but definitely not foremost, he’s got money. But it’s old money, so he’s always giving it away to charities, which is totally hot. How he and his family came into all this money is up for debate. He has some kind of plantation or something in Nyrobi, or somewhere. Or it might come from his investment in the stock market. Consolidated Lint? International Fuzz? And can we just talk about his swagger for a minute?! Good, because we’re going to. The way he was always strutting around in his pinstripe suit, with his cigar in one hand, and his lady love in the other. And let’s not ignore the guy-liner! He was rocking that look way before Pete Wentz. Mr. Addams is also very health conscious. He practices yoga daily, by standing on his head or swinging from a chandelier. This one time, he had Lurch, the butler, bring an insanely large trampoline into the living room so he could play on it. He’s so cool! But the sexiest thing of all is that he’s freaking out of his mind, crazy in love with his wife, the flawless Morticia (played by Carolyn “To-Perfect-For-Words” Jones). Dancing in the living room, feeding the man eating plant in the conservatory, or doing nothing at all, he just likes her there-ness. Which is cool, because sometimes doing stuff is hard, and I like to know that not doing stuff is always on the table. Well there you have it folks! The five T.V. guys that make me coo-coo for Coco Puffs. Do yourself a favor and catch up with these men. I promise you won’t regret it!


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