If you’re anything like me, you like to kick back and relax by turning on the ole boob tube. And that’s what it’s become, too; A place to go to see a bunch of boobs. But lady lumps aren’t really for everyone, are they? I, for one, prefer to see a good-looking gentleman. An upstanding citizen who holds a door open for a lady and knows how to hold down a job. That’s the type of thing I like to see when I turn on my television. So, I’ve compiled a brief list of good-looking, do-gooding, well mannered T.V. men who make me want to turn on the T.V. and lock the door.
Oh, how I dreamt of someday being Mrs. Arnold, uh, Mrs. Arnold… Oh, shit. I’d be Mrs. Nobody! Or maybe I’d be Mrs. Keefer *hyphen* Nobody. Lack of last name aside, Arnold was one cool dude. What, with his crazy ass grandparents, tall-haired-urban-buddy, and his oh so stylish flannel shirt/skirt. Brotha’ has got it goin’ on! I’m not the only one who thinks so either. Remember Helga Pataki? Remember the Arnold shrine in the back of her closet? That thing was time well spent if you ask me. And how about that badass bedroom of Arnold’s?! The guy has an alarm clock that has a little Arnold on it! Damn, that’s cool. The thing about Arnold is that even though he has a football shaped head, and even though I’m pretty sure he’s bald under that tiny hat, his swag is undeniable. If only he could move past the fourth grade.
All I’m saying is give Burt Chance a, um, chance. The patriarch of the Raising Hope family is one half of one of my favorite television couples. He’s not what you might call “book smart,” but sometimes that just doesn’t matter. Sometimes you just want a good looking gentleman who you can play keep-the-balloon-from-touching-the-floor with. Some people might call him ignorant, but I’m a glass half full kind of gal so I’m choosing to say Burt is an optimist. He's also an enterpreneur. After knocking up his girlfriend (and later wife, Virginia) when he was a teenager, he started his own lawn care and pool cleaning business. Twenty-three years later he and Virginia are helping raise their grand daughter, Hope. And as all straight ladies and gay men know, there is nothing sexier than a hot dad. Especially a hot dad with a baby.
Michael Bluth. I’m not even going to dignify this with an explanation. I mean, you see this face, right?
Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have had thoughts of an impure nature about a married man. A man with seven children. A man of the cloth. A man by the name of Reverend Eric Camden. That’s right, folks! The patriarch of the Camden clan has me in 7th Heaven! See what I did there? If you don’t, then let me fill you in. The Reverend is the main character on a show from the 90’s called 7th Heaven. (See it now?) It was all about the lives of this understatedly sexy gentleman (The Reverend Eric Camden), his wife (the cool-for-a-few-seasons-and-then-perpetually-crazy Annie), and their seven kids (Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Ruthie, and the extremely unnecessary season three addition of the twins, Sam and David). It sounds pretty tame, but let me tell you these people could make drama out of anyone and anything. They were just a family of butinskis! Has your ex-boyfriend, Jimmy Moon, fallen in with a questionable crowd at school? Never fear! The Reverend’s on the case! He’s the man at the center of it all. The biggest butinski of them all! You know what, though? That good-doer-ness really works for me. But don’t be fooled by his charity work, for the Reverend also has a bit of a wild streak. Remember the episode where his former bandmates rolled into town?! That’s right, the Rev. was in a band! Sure, he gave his buddies the business when he thought they were smoking the marijuana, but that’s just the kind of upstanding citizen he is. Hugs, not drugs.
Gomez Addams is the perfect husband. First, but definitely not foremost, he’s got money. But it’s old money, so he’s always giving it away to charities, which is totally hot. How he and his family came into all this money is up for debate. He has some kind of plantation or something in Nyrobi, or somewhere. Or it might come from his investment in the stock market. Consolidated Lint? International Fuzz? And can we just talk about his swagger for a minute?! Good, because we’re going to. The way he was always strutting around in his pinstripe suit, with his cigar in one hand, and his lady love in the other. And let’s not ignore the guy-liner! He was rocking that look way before Pete Wentz. Mr. Addams is also very health conscious. He practices yoga daily, by standing on his head or swinging from a chandelier. This one time, he had Lurch, the butler, bring an insanely large trampoline into the living room so he could play on it. He’s so cool! But the sexiest thing of all is that he’s freaking out of his mind, crazy in love with his wife, the flawless Morticia (played by Carolyn “To-Perfect-For-Words” Jones). Dancing in the living room, feeding the man eating plant in the conservatory, or doing nothing at all, he just likes her there-ness. Which is cool, because sometimes doing stuff is hard, and I like to know that not doing stuff is always on the table.
Well there you have it folks! The five T.V. guys that make me coo-coo for Coco Puffs. Do yourself a favor and catch up with these men. I promise you won’t regret it!
Pictures Courtesy of photobucket.com, fan pop.com, hollywoodandfine.com, expressnightout.com, 7th-heaven-fan.skyrock.com, balooscartoonblog.blogspot.com
There are some days that I just can’t find any energy. I can only seem to drag myself along by the grace of God. Usually there’s no real reason for it, I just lack enthusiasm for the day’s responsibilities. These days suck. On the other end of the spectrum, there are the days when I indulge in way too much Tazo Awake tea and can’t find anything to do that could possibly use up my abundance of energy. A few weeks ago Awake lived up to its name and forced me to entertain myself while alone in my apartment. This was extra difficult because the internet hadn’t been installed yet so facebook stalking people wasn’t on the table. If it was I would have never needed to do any of these things. To help others who may also find themselves in need of creative ways to pass the time, I’ve compiled a list of things I did that weekend while running on all cylinders.
1. WATCHED SOMETHING FUNNY: One Saturday night I watched the season finally of SNL, hosted by Mick Jagger (who was blowing my effing mind!). When I’m really hyper, funny things seem to be three times funnier than when I’m not. I was literally laughing out loud! Everything seemed like it was funny enough to do that laugh where you’re laughing so hard that you’re not really laughing, but doing a series of what seem to be Lamaze-like breaths. I know you know what I mean.
2. TOOK A DANCE BREAK: My dance breaks only lasted about five minutes, but I continued to do them sporadically throughout the weekend. While Mick Jagger was performing with Arcade Fire, I was performing with no one. And I will gladly confess that my moves were not like Jagger (see what I did there?). They were the epitome of “dance like no one is watching.” That was partly because, well, no one was watching. But mostly it was because I have no background in dance and instead just wiggle in a way that makes me embarrassed to be my own friend. Actually I do technically have a background in dance. I took ballet when I was five, but all I remember is this slick little move called “pick up the leaves, drop the leaves.” And before you ask, it did make an appearance that night.
3. WATCHED Annie: The original version of Annie is so freaking amazing! I love this movie like a fat kid loves cake. No, like a fat kid loves TWO cakes! Besides, who can’t relate to the story of a scrappy orphan who gets adopted by a bald billionaire while escaping the clutches of the jerk face who runs the orphanage? It’s a tale as old as time. Watching this movie kind of falls under the dancing thing, because for every song I pretend to do whatever moves the people in the movie are doing. I can kind of do them, but that’s just a consequence of watching it all the time. “Hard Knock Life” and “Easy Street” are going to be the songs that really get you pumped! “Hard Knock Life” will get you all fired up about “the man,” and what not, while “Easy Street” is just more fun than you can shake a stick at! On a side note, playing Miss Hannigan is how I will win the “T” in my E.G.O.T.
4. WROTE SOME COOL STUFF: You might think that writing is a fairly docile task, but I only write stuff worth reading when I have enough energy to write it. I didn’t actually finish anything that night, but I started a lot of stuff that I was pretty excited about. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have been so excited, as I have already admitted that when you’re that wired things seem more awesome-r than they actually are. Hmm…
5. TALKED TO MY CAT: This one’s pretty self explanatory. I have a cat. I talked to her. Nothing too heavy, like politics or religion. Just easy stuff, like the weather, and who’s going to be the next Kristen Wiig on SNL. You know, keep it light. This is supposed to be a fun night for both of you.
6. WATCHED Annie: Whoops! It looks like I accidentally wrote that twice. It’s definitely not because I watched it twice. I’m not the kind of person who would watch a time honored classic twice in one night. And further more, I’m not the kind of person who would watch a time honored classic twice in one night and then lie about it in a blog.
7. WATCHED Annie: Okay, okay, I watched Annie three times that weekend! What do want from me?! Do you want me tell you that I don’t know all the words to all the songs?! Because I can’t do that! I do know all the words, and I sing them all the time! It’s a brilliant combination of song and dance, and now that I’ve brought it up, I want to watch it again! But I have plans tonight, so maybe some other time. Maybe… tomorrow. Get it?! Tomorrow?! Anybody?
These are just a few possibilities. There aren’t really any hard and fast rules about how to use up excess energy, but at the very least I’ve come clean about my addiction to Annie. Actually, it felt really good to get that out. Out. Out like the Sun! Thhhheeeee sun’ll come OUT, tomorrow!!
Photo Courtesy of www.bowandcrossbones.com
